I am not where I want to be, I need to get to where I want to be. This weekend was a huge step in the right direction.

I long for a little bit more nature

I look at the picture over my mantle and I think I want that. But what is that? It's a painted picture of the desert. I wouldn't call it idealic because the details are vague, it is slightly romanticiized because there is someone one a horse, but many of the details are unclear, except desert, colors, and sunset. But I don't very often feel that when I am here. Why am I so enchanted by flagstaff but upon returning here I have to hold back my urge to feel disgust? And it's because the desert has been overrun, it is a fragile beauty and we have all but destroyed. Human civilization has occurred overtime and made it's various marks, the strongest ones in most recent history, and level of strength that nature can co-exist varies. Here in the desert, it is almost all but obliterated.

Here in the desert, people treat it a like a moonscape and that is what it seems to be becoming. We have no patience for the heat, so we blast the air conditioner which leads to more heat. There is no patience for traversing in the heat so we cover the land with miles of asphalt. The desert is so fragile, it was never designed to have this many people. All things make sense, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

I am so thankful to have taken the trip to flagstaff this weekend, it was beautiful and so refreshing, the evenings by the fire, the hike to Humphrey's peak. Being in nature. But upon my return, I realize we are suppose to live like that all the time. No wonder it's hard for me to come back to this. No wonder it's so easy to feel lost here and feel like it all is caving in, once more there is conformation that there is nowhere to escape to be in the state that we are suppose to be in.

Birthday!

What did I do for my Birthday? Well I grew a lot. I know what I want to do with life more than ever, and I'm determined more than ever to have focus to make it all work. The sky's the limit baby.

Life is so interesting

Life is so interesting! And my school has led me to see and understand so much more of this interest!

It is very interesting to look at photos from 2007-2008 and see my perspective of life then and understand my perspective of life now. So much more to contemplate and draw connections to and think of ideas in every single situation. And I have had a lot of experiences, they are rad, so glad I have had them.

Silence (sort of)

Last night the power went out at our house, and our block and all the houses behind us for about two miles, but not our neighbors across the street. At first it was an exciting atmosphere, we lit candles, the reverse osmosis was running in the kitchen giving a nice trickle of water. And it felt like we were getting back to nature. Stripped of modern day electricity there wasn't anything running in the house, the way it was back in the old days.... But the reality was it was still 100 outside (even though it was 9 at night) and you could feel the heat pressing on building trying to enter in and destroy our solitude. While power going out maybe a peaceful, here you feel like you are on a spaceship that has lost power and it is just a matter of time before you run out of oxygen and die. Which is actually true here, for some people no electricity would be an actual matter of life and death. WE LIVE ON THE MOON. or might as well be.

But when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. I decided to go swimming in our backyard. It was so peaceful, no pool pump, none of my neighbors air conditioners, the water had an intensity that normally isn't there. You could hear the traffic from McClintock though and the high school too. It was further away, but a game and people cheering and pep bands playing doesn't count anyways. Those sounds are all powered by humans alone and have a different energy to them, since they can't just run in perpetuity forever, and since they are telling a story rather than a hum, it is beautiful. It's interesting to think how much noise and light pollution comes from electricity and fossil fuels. A lot.

Then I began to think more about my time here in Arizona and how we are already here past halfway! Really past halfway if I go to Buenos Aires next fall. How it's been such an interesting different experience it has made life glow in so many ways and brought new understandings. And that it is actually all been completely worth it. Many of my perceptions, understandings , and ideas about life have grown in leaps and bounds. School has sucked me in and spit me back out so many times I have a world of material to think about and a world of material to go explore. And all under the context of this place. It's so fascinating but sometimes you only really begin to understand it's complexity when you begin to view it with other outsiders that already retain the same impression as you...Adventures with people in our house. I'd say we could arguably have had people here living with us over a third of the time that we are here. All these experiences because our house is a pilgrimage out to the desert for all of us. A certain isolation and mystery, even if this city is large, if you can tune it out (which sometimes is very hard) and tap into the desert, or better yet tap into this question mark of a city, it really is an enigma to be explored. And with the constant tumbling of grad school this city is an enigma that I felt I have barely explored. I'm hoping in the future this will be much easier to accomplish with Ryan on his own adventures.

Then a truck starts creeping down the alley slowly and finally comes to stop right behind our house. I get out and run inside and peak out from the door. Some sort of truck to deal with the power outage. Two square miles of no power, and somehow the solution is right behind our backyard. Of course. This place. A little later the entire sky lights up green and then the power really goes out including my neighbors across the street and the high school. But only for a moment for them and it pops back on. Then a few minutes later our power goes on, and every single air conditioner, our pool pump, and of course our neighbors air compressor comes on. The magic is gone.

Silence (sort of)

Last night the power went out at our house, and our block and all the houses behind us for about two miles, but not our neighbors across the street. At first it was an exciting atmosphere we lit candles, the reverse osmosis was running in the kitchen giving a nice trickle. And it felt like we were getting back to nature. Stripped of modern day electricity there wasn't any thing running in the house, the way it was back in the old days.... But the reality was it was still 100 outside (even though it was 9 at night) and you could feel the heat pressing on building trying to enter in and destroy our solitude. While power going out maybe a peaceful here you feel like you are on a spaceship that has lost power and it is just a matter of time before you run out of oxygen and die. Which is actually true here, for some people no electricity would be an actual matter of life and death. WE LIVE ON THE MOON. or might as well be.

But when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. I decided to go swimming in our backyard. It was so peaceful, no pool pump, none of my neighbors air conditioners the water had an intensity that normally isn't there. You could hear the traffic from McClintock though and the high school too. It was further away, but a game and people cheering and pep bands playing doesn't count anyways. Those sounds are all powered by humans alone and have a different energy to them, since they can't just run in perpetuity forever. It's interesting to think how much noise and light pollution comes from electricity and fossil fuels. A lot.

Then I began to think more about my time here in Arizona and how we are already here past halfway! Really past halfway if I go to Buenos Aires next fall. How it's been such an interesting different experience it has made life a glow in so many ways and brought new understandings. Adventures with people in our house. I'd say we could arguably have had people here living with us over a third of the time that we are here. All these experiences because our house is a pilgrimage out to the desert for all of us. A certain isolation and mystery, even if this city is large, if you can tune it out (which sometimes is very hard) and tap into the desert, or better yet tap into this question mark of a city, it really is an enigma to be explored. And with the constant tumbling of grad school this city is an enigma that I felt I have barely explored. I'm hoping in the future this will be much easier to accomplish with Ryan on his own adventures.

Then a truck starts creeping down the alley slowly, and finally comes to stop right behind our house. I get out and run inside and peak out from the door. Some sort of truck to deal with the power outage. Two square miles of no power, and somehow the solution is right behind our backyard. Of course. This place. A little later the entire sky lights up green and then the power really goes out including my neighbors across the street and the high school. But only for a moment for them they pop back on. Then a few minutes later our power goes on, and every single air conditioner, our pool pump, and of course our neighbors air compressor comes on. The magic is gone.

adventure: risky or unexpected undertaking

When you're seeking adventure it doesn't help that the last 500 miles of the West has become a routine. Of course interstates don't really count as adventures. Completely predictable people along with the Gas, Food, Lodging and Rest Areas that are beside them. The scenery that you zip by you can't really touch, because it's behind a fence and endangered is only a hint of what you're missing out on. But when you begin to remember particular rock formations and saguaros it takes on the sensation of driving to work.

But I was thinking about it, where is this adventure? I'm beginning to feel that not very much of it is left in the great wide open, guessing how many miles until the next Wal-mart is not a risky or unexpected undertaking. And with everyone having the same things, the same music, and the same Internet, what is going to be unique and unanticipated beyond the curve in the road? Which leads me to believe that the only real adventures left in the US are in the top major cities like LA and NY. Where all the people that are still seeking adventure flock to.

Scavenger Hunt went amazing

Need I say more? Thanks to the people of Goleta the Goodland, another amazing Saturday afternoon was successfully enjoyed. Can't wait for next year. Will I play? Who knows? I hope that Dan and Ryan will follow through with the expert level, because that's what I want to do!

Facebook photo album of Scavenger hunt

The way sound echoes through Goleta

Tonight for the second time in the row I just heard the sound of a bus, as in an old school MTD bus out there somewhere in the mist. Bill's bus? Not sure. I love this town

End of semester...almost...hah!

I was just about to write on here how great things are going but then realized after making a to do list, that I still have so much to do before the end of this semester. That I really need to get off the high I am on right now and go to sleep!

Review went great today, and I'm glad to have so many friends here and everywhere and feel everything in my career path growing with so much excitement. The growth and the connections.

And I feel asleep writing this or something.

Art?

It's so funny I come from a non-art background. The question is, is my mind artistic or not? I might be only artistic because of the all oddities of the way my mind works. But maybe that is what constitutes art. I feel very narcissist sitting here and trying to dissect my brain.

But one thing is for sure my life has been so a typical, especially in my exposure to art and I love it. Because that isn't that in itself an expression of art, a different approach to experiencing something even if you didn't choose that approach?

Growing up in Southern California under loving nerds. Being tossed into the music world and just considering it another part of my back yard. Now here, being dragged through the mud and my eyes being open to the full glory of life.

I just remembered I use to hate art in elementary school. So much I use to stay out loud and often. It was such a chore, those left handed scissors were the worst. But now that I think about it, it wasn't art. Cutting out patterns of leprechauns and gluing them together is not an expression of one's self and thought. But how do you get an elementary school kid to express themselves without them filling overwhelmed to do something right? How do you communicate the process whatever it may be, is just as important at the end, and taking time to just think about the process and what it means is the whole point.

Regardless, I was and still am a structured person most of the time. Even though my process through life is so chaotic. It' s because I like a reason, and I'm a hoarder of life. I might not be artistic at all really and it is only because my thought process is so different than everyone else's that it comes off as art. Art is anything that some finds awesome and cares about.

The beginning of a new beautiful life

Remember this moment because it is the first moment of the rest of your life. You are finally free and have survived something you had no idea how you were going to survive.

You sat there and thought if I could only be free, life would be so different and beautiful. And now you are free and life is so beautiful. I know it's different this time, so many things have happened over the past few months that the beauty of life has taken over and taken on a new glow. A new glow that I appreciate so much that nothing will ever be the same. I appreciate every smallest detail. The bird walking on that roof outside, the fact that I have time to sit here and look at that bird walk on that roof and enjoy all the thoughts that come to mind, makes me so happy. Just imagine how happy everything else is going to make me. I can't even fathom.

Chores don't seem like chores they seem like steps to creating an organized focused life of beauty and dreams. Not to mention you can listen to whatever music you want when you do chores, and it won't distract you. Procrastination no long makes sense, it will only lead to more wasted time towards the activity whether it be the agonization or the repercussions for acting at the last moment. But there will be no procrastination, there is nothing in life that I don't look forward to now, as long as I have the time to do it. The time to thoroughly enjoy every last drop. And when the pressure returns again, hopefully I will be more prepared from the many life lessons that I have grown so much from, especially over these past few months.

What home really is, American Beauty, my iphone, BIM!, Greenbuild, Lady Gaga, breaking things down to be organized, getting in shape can be baby steps, Art, Beauty, dressing up, costumes, fashion, Food, eating out, NATURE, the magic of being organized, the magic of not procrastinating, outlines, study habits, waking up early, staying up late, staying up all night, tea, grasshopper, twitter, google reader, friends, conversation, dinner, breakfast, meat, music, ratatat, phoenix, alcohol, people, conventions, assertive, your own business, beautiful ARCHITECTURE, cold, warm, recipes, community online reviews, subs, Phil, my baby, water, chapstick, grocery shopping, sunlight, websites, potential, marketing yourself, Los Angeles and of course Goleta, traveling, northern california, oregon, washington, australia new zealand, south america, japan, europe, creative people, house hunters international, iron chef, japanese cuisine, spices, friend you keep in touch with, net flix, hotels, experiences, people watching, society watching, riding in the car, going home for the night, going to bed, sleeping, looking forward to great events, people that know how to party, breaks in life, the cabin, snow, quiet, forest, roads to walk on, mud on shoes, cold noses, warm drinks, heaters, libraries, moving cat ears, stores, being hungry and being able to eat, working really hard for something, achieving something you have worked really hard for. Don't even get me started on all the realizations I have had and all the new things that have come to life.

And now I am off to enjoy life, and all the things I haven't been able to get around to doing.

Life update

Life update: I'll take any life that happily works. Yep. Any. I am 100% humbled. And by happy I mean getting to a point where you make more money than you spend, you have time to be happy, and a place to be happy. Yep, that's it.

Thank you.

Final stretch and I'm remembering the light

Life has been so crazy that just the taste life (that I received through distraction) is like oh yeah!! Life is so beautiful!! I cannnot wait to escape into it. No wonder I went all out last summer and was exhausted at the end of it. But I will be so exhausted at the end of this semester, that I will be happy to just, sit in California that is. Even the smallest things will be more appreciated than they ever were before.

Grad school is the best thing ever because it takes away your life, and when you get it back, you never take anything for granted ever again.

"Punishment no longer makes sense"

Typing on here because it's faster, would normally maybe write something like this in my journal, but I'm trying to be efficient.

I was having a blah moment, decided to get frozen pizza at Trader Joe's, hopped in the car and the Problem with Fire was playing (kinda loud too! hehe) anyways I started it over and realized it might seriously be one of the most amazing songs I've heard, maybe I'm just dehydrated from grad school. I already love Problem with Fire a lot, in fact it was a turning point in music appreciation for me but that a whole other story. But of this story is that then at the end my favorite to end all lines that has so much significance in my life came blaring out: "Punishment no longer makes sense" and I snapped back to where I was in time when it meant so much to me where what I wanted was so clear and simple. Life was simple beautiful, and then took a beautiful turn and life also became the happiest most beautiful simple thing ever. And it all revolved around that line, in all ways. Then I did a zoom out (yes like the movies) from the point in time to this, and it was like whoa!!! where did all this come from? All this weight? All this complication? Where did that simple sweet happy powerful determination of energy go? Why can't this life be like that life? What is wrong why is everything such a mess, why do no things add up to a total of sense? I began to question my path and how it could become more like the one before. But then the more I thought about it, the more I began to realize this is the life that has come from that life, a life where we have pursued our dreams, chased them down and for better or worse let them become reality. Isn't that funny, when dreams become life, it's like they take that stumble into the real world... Anyways that this life inevitably would come from that life and like it or not this is the older life, YUCK. (need to work on getting rid of that.) And it's like wait, I just want that simpler life.

Then I went on Friendster with Ryan for old times sake, in my blah state, and I stumbled across my occupation which said: Teacher/Future Architect. There it is, even back then I've been dreaming of this, how could I deny this? This has been the dream all along. And back then I didn't go to Grad School, I left in the dust for love and ambition, screw grad school I'm not going to leave my baby, I'm going to go on tour. So awesome. And look here I am now, living in Arizona WITH my baby going to architecture school, after all these other things that have happened. You really could argue that I got my fantasy. Only it's not that simple. That's the only problem.

That over used word moment

Some moments are more important than others that's just a fact. A week is not always equal to a week, a step is not always equal to a step. But you need to have the subtle steps of space exist or the intense points in music are nothing.

And when comes to creating, uploading and processing for who know how long, until BAM!

It's that jet sound

I don't know what it is but it's that Jet sound that zaps so many memories into my head. I realize now not only the cabin but also my granparents house around winter time. What is it? Is it the dryness of the air combined with the temperature? Or is it just a coincidence of proximity of places to jet paths. To be honest I don't think the jets happened at my grandparents house though I could be wrong. It might be the air, subdivision and quietness that matches the energy here. So funny that even though we have made the jump to a different region this region is still very much connected to and a part of the southern california region. I almost feel like I am exploring the utter most outskirts of my homeland. Which is true when you look at climate similarities, weather patterns and Trader Joe's distribution paths! Hehe, how about that. Just an existential trip into the back country.

And even though we are connected to the rest of country (see the in-n-out waffle house metaphor) I thing geographically we are much more separated. The landscape change between here and the coast is very gradual, you gradually wean yourself into the desert and there are no sudden transitions. While you experience a quicker transition by simply driving up the 17 to Flagstaff! And though I haven't been on the road in a while (or at least looked out the window) I'm pretty sure the change between here and the rest is more abrupt. I mean come on, who's winter matches who's?

The magic of the Desert

The magic of the desert finally poked it's head back up at me in the past 24 hours. I had lost it. And understandably why. The beauty of the desert is a quiet one. And this city has become so overgrown and large that it's completely stomped it out, almost. The desert is a fragile place several million descending on this place is a lot different than several million somewhere else, of course not that that many people is good for anywhere. But the beauty that I was first enchanted with that drew me out here and that I saw when I was first here (and that was in the middle of the summer) I finally see it again.

The bike ride home last night and the desert architecture I've been looking at this morning, struck the chord of the magic you can have in the desert, especially with the seasons that are ahead of us.

Why wouldn't it change you?

Architecture school and all of the above that has happened to me recently why wouldn't it, and I mean for the better.

As I was saying...

For past reference:

http://goletarocks.blogspot.com/