Sunday, October 17, 2010

I am not where I want to be, I need to get to where I want to be. This weekend was a huge step in the right direction.

I long for a little bit more nature

I look at the picture over my mantle and I think I want that. But what is that? It's a painted picture of the desert. I wouldn't call it idealic because the details are vague, it is slightly romanticiized because there is someone one a horse, but many of the details are unclear, except desert, colors, and sunset. But I don't very often feel that when I am here. Why am I so enchanted by flagstaff but upon returning here I have to hold back my urge to feel disgust? And it's because the desert has been overrun, it is a fragile beauty and we have all but destroyed. Human civilization has occurred overtime and made it's various marks, the strongest ones in most recent history, and level of strength that nature can co-exist varies. Here in the desert, it is almost all but obliterated.
Here in the desert, people treat it a like a moonscape and that is what it seems to be becoming. We have no patience for the heat, so we blast the air conditioner which leads to more heat. There is no patience for traversing in the heat so we cover the land with miles of asphalt. The desert is so fragile, it was never designed to have this many people. All things make sense, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
I am so thankful to have taken the trip to flagstaff this weekend, it was beautiful and so refreshing, the evenings by the fire, the hike to Humphrey's peak. Being in nature. But upon my return, I realize we are suppose to live like that all the time. No wonder it's hard for me to come back to this. No wonder it's so easy to feel lost here and feel like it all is caving in, once more there is conformation that there is nowhere to escape to be in the state that we are suppose to be in.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Birthday!

What did I do for my Birthday? Well I grew a lot. I know what I want to do with life more than ever, and I'm determined more than ever to have focus to make it all work. The sky's the limit baby.