"Punishment no longer makes sense"

Typing on here because it's faster, would normally maybe write something like this in my journal, but I'm trying to be efficient.

I was having a blah moment, decided to get frozen pizza at Trader Joe's, hopped in the car and the Problem with Fire was playing (kinda loud too! hehe) anyways I started it over and realized it might seriously be one of the most amazing songs I've heard, maybe I'm just dehydrated from grad school. I already love Problem with Fire a lot, in fact it was a turning point in music appreciation for me but that a whole other story. But of this story is that then at the end my favorite to end all lines that has so much significance in my life came blaring out: "Punishment no longer makes sense" and I snapped back to where I was in time when it meant so much to me where what I wanted was so clear and simple. Life was simple beautiful, and then took a beautiful turn and life also became the happiest most beautiful simple thing ever. And it all revolved around that line, in all ways. Then I did a zoom out (yes like the movies) from the point in time to this, and it was like whoa!!! where did all this come from? All this weight? All this complication? Where did that simple sweet happy powerful determination of energy go? Why can't this life be like that life? What is wrong why is everything such a mess, why do no things add up to a total of sense? I began to question my path and how it could become more like the one before. But then the more I thought about it, the more I began to realize this is the life that has come from that life, a life where we have pursued our dreams, chased them down and for better or worse let them become reality. Isn't that funny, when dreams become life, it's like they take that stumble into the real world... Anyways that this life inevitably would come from that life and like it or not this is the older life, YUCK. (need to work on getting rid of that.) And it's like wait, I just want that simpler life.

Then I went on Friendster with Ryan for old times sake, in my blah state, and I stumbled across my occupation which said: Teacher/Future Architect. There it is, even back then I've been dreaming of this, how could I deny this? This has been the dream all along. And back then I didn't go to Grad School, I left in the dust for love and ambition, screw grad school I'm not going to leave my baby, I'm going to go on tour. So awesome. And look here I am now, living in Arizona WITH my baby going to architecture school, after all these other things that have happened. You really could argue that I got my fantasy. Only it's not that simple. That's the only problem.

That over used word moment

Some moments are more important than others that's just a fact. A week is not always equal to a week, a step is not always equal to a step. But you need to have the subtle steps of space exist or the intense points in music are nothing.

And when comes to creating, uploading and processing for who know how long, until BAM!

It's that jet sound

I don't know what it is but it's that Jet sound that zaps so many memories into my head. I realize now not only the cabin but also my granparents house around winter time. What is it? Is it the dryness of the air combined with the temperature? Or is it just a coincidence of proximity of places to jet paths. To be honest I don't think the jets happened at my grandparents house though I could be wrong. It might be the air, subdivision and quietness that matches the energy here. So funny that even though we have made the jump to a different region this region is still very much connected to and a part of the southern california region. I almost feel like I am exploring the utter most outskirts of my homeland. Which is true when you look at climate similarities, weather patterns and Trader Joe's distribution paths! Hehe, how about that. Just an existential trip into the back country.

And even though we are connected to the rest of country (see the in-n-out waffle house metaphor) I thing geographically we are much more separated. The landscape change between here and the coast is very gradual, you gradually wean yourself into the desert and there are no sudden transitions. While you experience a quicker transition by simply driving up the 17 to Flagstaff! And though I haven't been on the road in a while (or at least looked out the window) I'm pretty sure the change between here and the rest is more abrupt. I mean come on, who's winter matches who's?

The magic of the Desert

The magic of the desert finally poked it's head back up at me in the past 24 hours. I had lost it. And understandably why. The beauty of the desert is a quiet one. And this city has become so overgrown and large that it's completely stomped it out, almost. The desert is a fragile place several million descending on this place is a lot different than several million somewhere else, of course not that that many people is good for anywhere. But the beauty that I was first enchanted with that drew me out here and that I saw when I was first here (and that was in the middle of the summer) I finally see it again.

The bike ride home last night and the desert architecture I've been looking at this morning, struck the chord of the magic you can have in the desert, especially with the seasons that are ahead of us.